yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
