Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
this just has baby written all over it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
