Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
