call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
