my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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