So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
