My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
