i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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