Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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