My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
