Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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