she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
sex in a hospital.. check
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
