Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Your penis caused this!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
