the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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