My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
