I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
