She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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