so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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