I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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