I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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