and she was petting her beer can
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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