Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
