Are we in a gay sports bar?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
