So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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