franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
