Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
