he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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