3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
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