in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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