you guys were way drunker than both of me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
