I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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