Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
