so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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