Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You made out with two different species that night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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