its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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