My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
