Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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