i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You left your phone here
Wait...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
