another moral hangover. fuck.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
