i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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