I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
