My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
