Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
