just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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