i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
