I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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