i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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