I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
