My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
