Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
