FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
