After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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