I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize