I will die if light touches me.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
