you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
