You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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