From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
