when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
