he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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