He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
