she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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