she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
