just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
high people should be assigned attendants
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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