Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
