put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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