How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Nicole vs. Life
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
