peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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