# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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