I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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