Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
