dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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