you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
