So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
