I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I need a burrito and a hug.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
