if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You've changed since you got that strap on
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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