we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
